Sex Therapy
What is Sex Therapy?
Sex Therapy is an ethical and professional approach to relationships, sexual functions, gender and sexuality.
It focuses clinical knowledge towards assisting individuals and couples to create and maintain healthy relationships and sexual exchanges with others. It recognises that sexuality is an important component in people’s lives. Sex therapy is based on the assumption that sex is healthy and good, and that relationships and interpersonal intimacy are important and desirable. When there are difficulties in this area, it can negatively impact lives, resulting in relationship breakdowns, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, stress and physical problems.
Sex therapy is still a relatively new scientific field. It has not received much scientific attention in the past. Therefore, it draws from many different academic disciplines, including physiology, sociology and psychology. It has grown from an increasing awareness that many of us are ill-informed on issues of intimacy and sexual behaviour.
Concerns about sexuality and sexual behaviours are common. It is also common to struggle to find someone to help in overcoming these problems. Sex therapy uses many of the same techniques as other therapies; however, it is unique due to the development of a specialised approach towards sexual problems.
Sex therapists work with a wide variety of problems. Some of these are listed below; however, the list is too long and varied to include everything.
How sex therapy helps (and why it matters)
Sexual wellbeing is a recognised part of overall health.
Sex therapy can support:
Low desire or mismatched libido
Performance anxiety
Erectile difficulties or pain
Difficulty with arousal or orgasm
Recovery after childbirth, illness, or trauma
Rebuilding intimacy after relationship challenges
Individuals and couples with relationship and/or sexual issues
Difficulties forming or maintaining relationships
Problems with physical or emotional intimacy
Individuals and couples facing barriers with regards to seeking help due to cultural and/ or religious reasons
Recovering from an affair
Unsatisfying sex lives
Different sex drives
Affairs & infidelity
Fear of intimacy or commitment
Changes after birth of children
Making your sex life more satisfying and fun
Sex and ageing
Sex and disabilities
Sex after childbirth
Sex after surgery
Nervousness about sex and/or relationships
Physical and anatomical problems
Performance dysfunctions and sexual anxiety
Poor libido
Arousal issues
Loss of sex drive
Difficulty in climaxing
Difficulties in orgasm
Premature ejaculation
Delayed ejaculation
Erectile dysfunction
Erection difficulties
Penetration difficulties
Painful sexual encounters
Vaginal dryness and lubrication
Vaginismus
Vulvodynia (specialist in)
General female and male sexual problems
Sexual compulsions
Sexuality and gender
Fetish issues
Cross dressing
Low sexual desire
Gender identity disorders
General sexual problems
Sexual abuse
Untreated intimacy issues are linked to:
Stress and anxiety
Depression
Relationship breakdown
Sex therapy addresses both:
Emotional factors (connection, safety, trust)
Practical factors (skills, understanding, communication)
What this means for you:
Sex therapy is not just about sex—it’s about confidence, connection, and feeling close again.
Please get in touch if you would like any further information.
When Intimacy Disappears
Sometimes intimacy doesn't end after a major event — it simply slowly disappears.
Life gets busy. Work, children, stress, tiredness and everyday responsibilities take over. Affection becomes less frequent, sex becomes occasional or stops altogether, and before long you may feel more like flatmates, friends or co-parents than romantic partners.
You may still love each other and have a good relationship in many ways, but wonder: Where did our intimacy go? Why don't we touch anymore? And how do we get it back?
At Intimacy Counselling NZ, we help couples understand what has changed and work towards rebuilding emotional connection, affection, sexual desire and physical intimacy. Sex and relationship therapy can help you move away from cycles of avoidance, pressure and rejection and begin creating a form of intimacy that works for both partners.
Intimacy disappearing doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over. Sometimes it means your relationship needs attention, understanding and a new way of connecting.
Low Sex Drive/ Low Libido
Up to 40% of individuals suffer from low libido/ sex drive. Medication cannot help with low libido and can often result in unpleasant side effects. A sex therapist can assess the physical, emotional, psychological factors and arousal problems behind your low libido/ sex drive.
Some of the things that can contribute to, or cause, low sexual desire include;
Work stress/demands
Tiredness
Self-esteem issues
Relationship problems; conflict, communication issues, controlling attitudes, criticism, defensiveness, lack of trust, lack of emotional connection, feels of unimportance.
Lack of intimacy
Orgasm and/or arousal issues
Previous or current abuse
Mental health problems (stress, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem)
Religious and/or cultural factors
Painful intercourse
Erectile dysfunction (impotence) and /or delayed ejaculation (inability to ejaculate during intercourse)
Negative thinking patterns (anger, dependency, fear of intimacy, or feelings of rejection)
Pregnancy, childbirth, breast-feeding, demands of children
Substance use
Chronic illness
Surgery
Living with pain
Side effects of medicines (especially antidepressants and anti-seizure medications)
Hormonal changes
Aging
Desire is affected by many things: stress, anxiety, depression, self-esteem, physical health, resentment, unhealthy conflict, unresolved issues, porn use.
It is important to work on intimacy to bring back desire. Untreated, low libido/ sex drive can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, social isolation and relationship issues. Low libido /sex drive is often a difficult sexual problem to treat; therefore, curing it may not be as simple as taking a pill or using a prescription gel or cream. To restore a healthy sexual relationship, it is also essential to resolve issues between you and your partner and increase pleasure, connection and intimacy in your relationship. Contact us now for a consultation.
Low Intimacy in a Relationship
Has your relationship started to feel more like a friendship, household or parenting partnership than an intimate relationship?
Low intimacy can develop gradually. Affection becomes less frequent, sex becomes rare or disappears altogether, and conversations about intimacy may lead to pressure, rejection, avoidance or arguments. You may still love each other deeply but feel unsure how to reconnect.
At Intimacy Counselling NZ, we help couples understand what has contributed to the loss of emotional and sexual connection and find practical ways to rebuild it. Therapy can help with low sexual desire, mismatched libido, lack of affection, sexual avoidance, communication difficulties, relationship disconnection and rebuilding intimacy after long periods without sex.
You don't need to wait until you've become completely disconnected. With the right support, you can begin understanding what has changed and create a new way of being close.
Learn More About Low Intimacy & Rebuilding Connection
Desire Differences/Mismatched Libidos
- One partner will always have a higher sex drive than the other, to some extent.
-The partner with lower desire feels pressured, while the partner with stronger desire feels undesirable. Both lead to resentment.
-Some people want sex to feel connected; other people want to feel connected before they want sex.
-It is helpful to try to see things through your partner’s perspective, become less polarised, learn new tools, and take a ‘we’ approach.
Infidelity
Finding out that your partner has been cheating on you can be devastating. Unfortunately, 20% of individuals engage in infidelity whilst in a relationship. For many, infidelity can lead to the end of a relationship. For a relationship to survive infidelity, both people in the relationship need to be committed to the healing process. Part of this process requires couples counselling. Couples counselling will help guide you beyond infidelity. It will encourage you to explore issues related to cheating and create a deeper understanding of the involved dynamics.
Relationship counselling is not designed to cast blame or “gang up on” the person who has cheated. However, to repair the relationship, responsibility for the harm he/she has caused needs to be taken. A relationship requires stability, security, physical and emotional intimacy, and companionship. When any one of these is missing, both partners will feel dissatisfied with the relationship. Counselling can help you to find those things with each other again. Find a deeper, richer understanding and commitment; contact us for a consultation.
Female Sexual Pain
Although up to 10% of the female population suffers from sexual pain at any one time, it is still a subject that is not talked about. Many women suffer in silence, which leads to stress, anxiety, depression and relationship issues. Women spend years being misdiagnosed by multiple health professionals. When they finally reach a diagnosis, they are usually prescribed medications that have little success in treating their condition. The medications prescribed often result in horrific side effects and worsening symptoms. Counselling can help you to reduce and manage the symptoms you suffer from. It is often a holistic approach that has been demonstrated by research to be the most effective in treating female sexual pain. Start your journey to change and contact us now for a consultation.
Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction is a problem many men suffer from at some stage in their life (2.3 million men suffer from erectile dysfunction in the UK alone); however, only 1/10 men will actually seek help for this condition. This condition will often result in stress, anxiety, depression and relationship issues when untreated. Most men will seek help from doctors or online by acquiring medication, which can have serious side effects. These medications will treat the symptoms, but it will usually not provide a cure. Erectile dysfunction is sometimes physical but mainly mental and emotional. Erectile dysfunction can be caused by stress, fear, anxiety, high porn use and aging (50% of men over 40).
Erectile dysfunction can indicate other health issues, with 25% of men actually suffering from cardiovascular issues. If you are suffering from erectile dysfunction, please go to your doctor for a full medical checkup first. Once other medical issues have been ruled out a sex therapist can help you regain control of your intimate life again. Contact us now for a consultation.
Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is a common and treatable condition, with approximately 3-30% of men suffering from this condition. Unfortunately, many men do not seek help for premature ejaculation and suffer in silence, resulting in depression, anxiety, stress and relationship issues. Whilst doctors often prescribe medications for premature ejaculation (SSRI medications), these often have horrible side effects, including delayed orgasm. Sex therapy is an effective way to treat premature ejaculation, which has shown high levels of success. Premature ejaculation can often be treated through anxiety management, cognitive work, and behavioural techniques. Don’t let premature ejaculation control your sexual experiences; contact us now for a consultation.
Problematic Sexual Behaviours
Sometimes sexual behaviour begins to cause problems in your relationship, wellbeing, work or everyday life. You may find yourself repeating behaviours you want to change, hiding sexual activity from your partner, crossing agreed relationship boundaries, or feeling that sexual urges and habits are becoming increasingly difficult to manage.
At Intimacy Counselling NZ, we provide confidential, non-judgemental therapy for concerns including compulsive sexual behaviours, problematic pornography use, repeated infidelity, online sexual activity, sexting, risky sexual choices, secrecy and sexual behaviours that feel difficult to control.
Therapy is not about judging your sexuality or assuming that having a high sex drive is a problem. We help you understand triggers, patterns and what the behaviour is doing for you, while developing greater control, healthier coping strategies and sexual choices that better align with your relationships, values and goals.
If sexual behaviour is causing distress or repeatedly creating consequences in your life, you don't have to wait for things to get worse before seeking support.
PORN RECOVERY
Is your pornography use out of control? Is pornography ruining your ability to have relationships? Viewing pornography can become compulsive and develop into problem behaviours. People suffering from pornography issues spend increasing amounts of time watching pornography. This can lead to numerous negative consequences such as an inability to have a sexual relationships with a real person, relationship problems, increasingly dangerous sexual behaviours, infidelity, legal charges, and adverse effects on finances and occupations. Take back control of your life and contact us today.
Symptoms of Pornography Issues;
Pornography use feels out of your control.
You are unsuccessful in your efforts to limit your use or stop.
You experience a cycle of excitement and stimulation before and during use, followed by intense shame, guilt, remorse or depression.
You go out of your way to hide your use from others, frequently delete your internet browsing history, or lie about your use.
You spend considerable time thinking about pornography when you are not using it, as well as taking time to plan when you will use it again.
The time you spend watching pornography increases to the point of taking precedent over other responsibilities, hobbies or relationships.
Your use of pornography has negative consequences in your life. For example, you may participate in increasingly risky behaviours that may cause you or others physical or emotional harm. Your use may negatively impact your academics, job performance, or even place you at risk of losing a job if caught.
Your pornography use or other sexual behaviours cause problems in intimate relationships, create emotional distance between you and others you care about, or cause people in relationships with you to feel neglected or distrustful.
You are unable to function sexually in intimate relationships.
Compulsive Sexual Behaviours
When sexual thoughts, urges or behaviours begin to feel difficult to control, they can affect your relationships, wellbeing, confidence and everyday life. You may find yourself repeating behaviours despite wanting to stop, keeping aspects of your sexual behaviour secret, or using sexual activity or pornography to cope with stress, difficult emotions or disconnection.
At Intimacy Counselling NZ, we provide confidential, non-judgemental therapy for people experiencing compulsive sexual behaviours, problematic pornography use, repeated sexual behaviours, secrecy and difficulties managing sexual urges.
Therapy focuses on understanding what drives the behaviour, recognising triggers and patterns, developing greater choice and control, and building healthier ways of managing emotions, relationships and sexuality.
You don't need to decide whether the term “sex addiction” applies to you before seeking help. If your sexual behaviour feels out of control or is causing problems in your life or relationship, we can help you work towards meaningful and sustainable change.
Ready to Feel Better About Your Sex Life?
Sexual difficulties can be hard to talk about — even with the person you are closest to. Many people wait months or years before seeking help because they feel embarrassed, worry their problem is unusual, or simply don't know where to start.
You don't need to have the right words or know exactly what is causing the problem before coming to sex therapy.
At Intimacy Counselling NZ, we provide confidential, non-judgemental sex therapy for individuals and couples experiencing concerns including low libido, mismatched sexual desire, painful sex, erectile difficulties, premature ejaculation, sexual performance anxiety, compulsive sexual behaviours, problematic pornography use, infidelity and loss of intimacy.
Whether you want to understand what has changed, overcome a specific sexual difficulty, rebuild intimacy with your partner or develop a healthier and more satisfying relationship with your sexuality, we can help you find a way forward.
Your Sex Life Is an Important Part of Your Wellbeing
You don't have to wait until the problem becomes bigger or your relationship becomes more disconnected.
Take the first step with a confidential appointment.