Sex Therapy Remuera
Sexual difficulties are common, but many people find them extremely difficult to talk about.
You may have spent months or years wondering whether something is wrong, avoiding conversations with your partner or hoping the problem will resolve itself.
For couples, sexual difficulties can also become relationship difficulties.
One person may feel rejected. Another feels pressured. Both may become anxious about initiating intimacy and eventually stop talking about sex altogether.
Intimacy Counselling NZ provides confidential sex therapy in Remuera for individuals and couples experiencing sexual, intimacy and desire concerns.
Sex therapy is talking therapy. There is no sexual contact between therapist and client.
What Can Sex Therapy Help With?
People seek sex therapy for many reasons, including:
Low sexual desire
Low libido
Differences in desire between partners
Loss of sexual connection
Sexual anxiety
Difficulty becoming aroused
Erectile difficulties
Premature ejaculation
Difficulty reaching orgasm
Sexual pain
Changes in sexual confidence
Difficulty communicating about sex
Changes in attraction
Pornography concerns
Compulsive sexual behaviours
Sex following an affair
Reconnecting sexually after a long period without intimacy
You can attend individually or with a partner depending on your circumstances.
Low Sexual Desire & Low Libido
There is no universal "correct" amount of sexual desire.
The concern is usually whether your current level of desire is causing distress for you or difficulties within your relationship.
Desire can be affected by many factors, including stress, relationship dynamics, physical health, medications, body image, hormonal changes, previous experiences, anxiety, tiredness and the context in which sex occurs.
Sex therapy can help explore what may be influencing desire rather than simply focusing on having more sex.
Related: Low Sex Drive & Low Libido
When Partners Want Different Amounts of Sex
Desire differences are extremely common.
What creates distress is often the pattern that develops around them.
One partner initiates.
The other declines.
The initiating partner feels rejected and tries again.
The lower-desire partner begins anticipating another request and feels pressured.
They may avoid affection because they worry it will be interpreted as an invitation to sex.
The higher-desire partner experiences the reduction in affection as further rejection.
Eventually both people can feel lonely.
Sex therapy can help couples understand this dynamic and find ways of approaching intimacy that respect both partners.
Related: Low Intimacy & Mismatched Desire Counselling Remuera
Sexual Anxiety
Sex can become difficult when attention shifts away from pleasure and connection toward performance.
Thoughts such as:
"Will I get aroused?"
"Will I stay aroused?"
"Will I orgasm?"
"Am I taking too long?"
"Does my partner think I'm attractive?"
can make it difficult to remain present.
Sex therapy can help explore the anxiety surrounding sexual experiences and develop a less performance-focused approach to intimacy.
Erectile Difficulties
Erectile difficulties can affect confidence, sexual relationships and willingness to initiate intimacy.
They can have physical, psychological, relational or combined influences, so appropriate medical assessment may also be important.
Therapy can address anxiety, relationship dynamics, sexual expectations, communication and the emotional impact of erectile difficulties.
Related: Erectile Dysfunction Support
Premature Ejaculation
Concerns about ejaculating sooner than desired can create significant performance anxiety.
Trying intensely to control ejaculation can sometimes make sexual experiences increasingly stressful.
Therapy can explore anxiety, expectations, communication, sexual patterns and strategies for creating a broader and less performance-focused sexual experience.
Related: Premature Ejaculation Support
Sexual Pain
Pain during sexual activity should not simply be endured.
Where pain is present, appropriate medical assessment can be important because there may be physical contributors.
Therapy can support the emotional, sexual and relationship aspects of pain, including fear, avoidance, pressure, communication and rebuilding a sense of safety around intimacy.
Related: Female Sexual Pain
Difficulty Reaching Orgasm
Orgasm difficulties can occur for many reasons and can sometimes become more distressing when sex becomes increasingly focused on whether orgasm happens.
Sex therapy can explore sexual learning, stimulation, communication, anxiety, expectations and individual circumstances.
The aim is not to create another performance requirement, but to better understand your sexual experience.
Pornography Concerns
People have very different relationships with pornography.
For some, pornography use becomes distressing because it feels difficult to control, conflicts with personal values, affects sexual functioning, takes increasing amounts of time or creates secrecy within a relationship.
Couples may also have very different understandings of what pornography means within their relationship.
Therapy can explore the behaviour without assuming that every use of pornography represents the same problem.
Related: Porn Recovery
Compulsive Sexual Behaviours
Some people seek support because sexual thoughts or behaviours feel increasingly difficult to control or are creating consequences in their relationships, work or wellbeing.
Counselling can help identify patterns, triggers and functions of the behaviour and develop strategies for change.
Related: Compulsive Sexual Behaviours
Talking About Sex With Your Partner
Many couples have sex but rarely talk openly about sex.
It can feel vulnerable to discuss:
What you enjoy
What you don't enjoy
What you would like more of
What you would like less of
How you prefer intimacy to be initiated
Boundaries
Fantasies
Changes in desire
Sexual disappointment
When couples cannot comfortably communicate about sex, assumptions often replace conversation.
Sex therapy can help couples develop language for these discussions.
When Sex Has Disappeared From the Relationship
Some couples realise months or years have passed with very little sexual connection.
This doesn't automatically mean the relationship is beyond repair or that attraction has permanently disappeared.
Work, parenting, stress, health, conflict, tiredness and repeated negative sexual experiences can gradually change intimacy.
Understanding why sex disappeared is often more useful than simply deciding that you need to have more of it.
What Happens in Sex Therapy?
Your therapist may explore:
What brought you to therapy
Your current concerns
Relationship context
Sexual history relevant to the concern
Communication
Desire and arousal
Anxiety
Expectations around sex
Physical or medical factors
Relationship patterns
What you would like to change
What is discussed will depend on your individual circumstances and comfort.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is sex therapy physical?
No. Sex therapy is talking therapy. There is no sexual contact between therapist and client.
Do I need to attend with my partner?
No. Individuals and couples can attend.
Is my problem unusual?
Sexual concerns are common, even though people often don't talk openly about them.
Can sex therapy help with low libido?
Therapy can help explore factors contributing to low desire and how those factors are affecting you or your relationship.
Can you help if my partner and I want different amounts of sex?
Yes. Desire differences are a common reason couples seek sex therapy.
Should I see a doctor as well?
Some sexual difficulties can have physical or medication-related contributors. Where appropriate, medical assessment may be recommended alongside therapy.
Can we discuss pornography?
Yes. Pornography use and its impact on an individual or relationship can be discussed without assuming that every situation is the same.
Sex Therapy in Remuera
We provide confidential sex therapy in Remuera for individuals and couples from Remuera and surrounding Auckland areas.
Online appointments are also available where appropriate.
Explore Related Sexual Wellbeing Support
Low Sex Drive & Low Libido
Desire Differences
Female Sexual Pain
Erectile Dysfunction Support
Premature Ejaculation Support
Porn Recovery
Compulsive Sexual Behaviours
Low Intimacy & Mismatched Desire Remuera
Book Sex Therapy in Remuera
You don't need to have the right words or know exactly why something has changed.
Sex therapy provides a confidential place to begin talking about it.
Book sex therapy in Remuera with Intimacy Counselling NZ.