When physical intimacy is going wrong it can be helpful to take it off the table while you work on your non sexual intimacy.
-Listen without interrupting; don’t try and solve your partners issues. Just listen and be there.
-Be supportive; what does support look like to your partner? Know this and display those behaviours.
-Show physical affection; kiss, hug, and cuddle up. It releases hormones and chemicals that create bonds, affection, and physical and mental well-being. Without these you will feel like flat mates.
-Show public affection; you don’t have to start making out in public. An arm around your partner or holding their hand shows you are proud to be with them.
-Surprise them; with little gifts, things they want to do, flowers etc. It shows you have been listening to them and thinking about them when apart. It is the thought, not the money spent, that is important.
-Have contact throughout the day; send them the odd text or call just to say hi. It will make it easier to connect at other times.
-Greet each other warmly when you first see each other. Studies show it sets the tone for the rest of the day together.
-Words; ‘I love you’, appreciations and compliments go a long way.
-Take them on dates; unless you are having fun and relaxing times together all you are doing together is the stress of life.
-Have fun with them; be silly, laugh, joke, and do exciting things.
-Be respectful; feeling respected by our partner allows us to feel safe to be close to them.
-Be forgiving; don’t hold on to pass hurt. We all make mistakes. Do the work you need to be able to move forward.
-Let go of resentment; resentment will kill intimacy between you.
-Don’t make small issues big; life throws enough at us so don’t sweat small things. 70 % of conflicts never get solve. Save the hard work for when you really need it.
-Fight fair; criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling all make you an unsafe place. Learn to fight fair, without causing more pain.
-Have meaningful conversations; talk about goals, hopes, dreams, pains, fears and anxieties. This will help you stay connected. Mental and emotional intimacy is just as important as physical. Some people want to feel close to have sex and others want to have sex to feel close. Don’t have a stand off in your relationship.
-Massage; by massaging each other and giving feedback you will be more comfortable talking about physical touch with each other.
-Lighten their load in life by being helpful. Do some of the chores they usually do, make them a cup of tea or dinner. Help them in some way. It will speak volumes and help to reduce their stress.
-Know what your partners wants, and needs are in a relationship. Then try and meet them.
-Make self-care your number one priority; you need to do things that are fun and lower your stress levels every day. Without putting your self first, you are not as effective as a partner or parent.